September 12, 2016

New Revelation: Hillary Clinton lied about her favorite type of ice cream sundae

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:49 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

In the latest release of papers from a subpoena of the Clinton Foundation’s records, it has been disclosed that Hillary Clinton lied under oath about her favorite ice cream, and her favorite type of ice cream sundae.

The subpoena is part of a lawsuit by the Freedomworks organization, that filed the suit after Wikileaks shared data from her personal email server, where she described enjoying her sundaes best with mint chip ice cream and hot fudge, and later reiterated the statement in front of a congressional subcommittee. However, in her latest book, “Stronger Together,” she clearly states that she remembers enjoying toffee ice cream with caramel topping more than other ice cream choices when she would take purported daughter Chelsea Clinton out for ice cream.

It is the latest in a series of unforced errors by the Clinton campaign.

Critics have implied that it occurred at a time when Janelle Thompson, a major Clinton foundation donor, as well as chair of the butterscotch division of Duncan Hines, had been lobbying the foundation to divert more donations toward one of the causes she was championing in the Darfur region. The foundation also lists the Hersheys company as one of its major contributors. The email with her non-butterscotch preference is dated four months before the discussions with Thompson.

“Time and again, we see example after example of Hillary Clinton refusing to level with the American people,” stated Jason Miller, a spokesperson for the Trump campaign. “The question is what won’t she say to garner more votes and support.”

“People change their ice cream preferences all the time,” stated Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook. “There is truly nothing to see here, folks.”

Clinton is scheduled to visit the Hershey plant in Pennsylvania on Thursday.



Donald Trump cites “The Man from UNCLE” in his support of Russian president Vladimir Putin

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:03 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Terry Firma

Donald Trump cited his viewing of the popular TV series of the 1960s, the Man from UNCLE, in defending his support of Russian president Vladimir Putin, in an interview aired Sunday evening CBS news.

“It was the cold war, so it was a different period of time, but I very much admired the relationship between the American agent, Napoleon Solo, and the Russian agent, Ilya Kazakhistan.” (Mr  Trump was corrected as to the characters name, Ilya Kuryakin, later in the interview).

“The Man from UNCLE” ran for five years on ABC, and was widely seen as a refreshing take on the interplay between the two nations, who were adversaries at the time. It was remade as a film starring Henry Caville and Armie Hammer last year. Trump stated he did not enjoy the film, but praised Alisha Viskander’s performance

“To be quite honest with you, our sitting president, and his approved successor, Hillary Clinton, would never have the balls to work with their nemesis, and I would argue we could easily see the end of the world if we refuse to work with our enemies,” he said. “As President, I will always work with our allies. And I promise you can expect lots of adventure and intrigue from a Trump presidency.”


Donald Trump: “Black people want to sleep with me”

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:34 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

In response to a reporter’s question at a rally Sunday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stated “Black people love me, I love them, and many would Ike to have sex with me.”

He made the statement to quell rumors of discontent from many minority voters in response to his past support of the “birther” movement (which some have likened to an attempt to delegitimize the presidency of the nations first African American president, Barack Obama), and his opposition to a ruling by an American born judge of Mexican descent.

“I have had many, many Aftican Americans ask to have sex with me, to be honest with you,” he stated, “and I was married at the time, but otherwise would have been bery interested in the possibility. I may have been written down a few phone numbers. Kerry Washington’s, for one.”

Though Kerry Washington is not affiliated with either campaign, it is noted that she was 11 years old at the time of Mr. Trump’s separation from ex-wife Marla Maples. Kerry Washington’s agent has so far declined comment.

BREAKING: Hillary Clinton died five years ago

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:12 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

In a shocking revelation, reporters have learned that Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton expired almost five years ago, at the time of a head trauma previously described as an accidental fall caused by dehydration and exhaustion. Through a freedom of information act filing by Breitbart media, reporters were allowed to review her death certificate, and rumors are now swirling over how her reanimated corpse was able to avoid scrutiny into the final stretch of the campaign.

“It raises significant, serious new questions,” stated presidential historian Harvey Minx of Yale.

Many had previously questioned the transparency of health records the Clinton campaign had made available to the media. “Though we grieve with her family in their time of loss,” stated Trump campaign manage Kellyanne Conway, “we also, in the strongest possible terms deplore this campaign’s history of problems with transparency. Polls consistently show the public does not trust this candidate. We have stated this all along.”

Though the the last sitting president who was a reanimated corpse, James Buchanan, served out the majority of his term without significant dereliction of his duties, he is widely considered one of the least effective presidents, particularly on the diplomatic front.

The Clinton campaign has so far declined comment.

November 11, 2006

Bush asks for “do over” on mid-term election

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:51 am by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

In a televised address to the nation Thursday, President Bush took the extraordinary step of asking for a “do-over” of the Congressional election held on Tuesday, “because I think we may have made some mistakes.”  He assured Americans that his values are American values, and his decisions have made the country safer, “but I can promise people some other stuff too.  I just didn’t realize there was going to be so many problems getting people to vote for me.”

Though “do overs” have been relatively unprecedented in national electionsimages-6.jpg in this country, there are other modern-day examples based on leaders’ disliking election results in Pakistan, Peru, Uganda, and in Iraq under former President Saddam Hussein.

October 24, 2006

Schwarzenegger trounces Angelides in issues debate for being “not very good looking”

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:06 am by thewashingtonbeltsider

images16.jpgby Terri Firma

In the debate between candidates for governor hosted by the League of Women Voters last night, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger accused challenger Phil Angelides of being ill equipped to beat him in this fall’s election “because nobody likes you, and you are not very good-looking,” in a crucial closing segment.  Angelides had accused the current Governor of pandering to special interests, and failing to keep his promises to voters, but Schwarzenegger riposted that the state’s former treasurer intended to raise taxes on voters, and said “people will believe me because they like me better, and that is that.”

To this point, Schwarzenegger has attracted the support of Republicans, Democrats, independents, people who pay little or no attention to issues or ads in election cycles, and fans of extremely violent movies.

September 7, 2006

Bob Dylan to be new message specialist brought to White House political team

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:24 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

Legendary singer-songwriter Bob Dylan is being brought in to strategy sessions by the White House political team. “He’s great at that ‘good and evil’ stuff generally,” said FOX News political analyst analyst David Lungrin, “and they love his work on Mr. Tamborine Man.”

As previously reported, the political team has grown disenchanted with the work of rocket scientist Pilar Putnam.

“They probably plan on talking about all the terror plots they have prevented,” Lungrin said, “like the plots to destroy Chicago’s Sears Tower, the New York tunnels system, the Grand Canyon, “a big, big meeting at a hotel,” and the thwarted plot to use airplanes to block taxicab routes during rush hour near Boston’s thoroughfare at Massachussets Avenue.”

“They’re hoping he can be good some ‘blaming Bill Clinton’ stuff too, I’d imagine,” Lungrin said.