September 12, 2016

BREAKING: Hillary Clinton died five years ago

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:12 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

In a shocking revelation, reporters have learned that Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton expired almost five years ago, at the time of a head trauma previously described as an accidental fall caused by dehydration and exhaustion. Through a freedom of information act filing by Breitbart media, reporters were allowed to review her death certificate, and rumors are now swirling over how her reanimated corpse was able to avoid scrutiny into the final stretch of the campaign.

“It raises significant, serious new questions,” stated presidential historian Harvey Minx of Yale.

Many had previously questioned the transparency of health records the Clinton campaign had made available to the media. “Though we grieve with her family in their time of loss,” stated Trump campaign manage Kellyanne Conway, “we also, in the strongest possible terms deplore this campaign’s history of problems with transparency. Polls consistently show the public does not trust this candidate. We have stated this all along.”

Though the the last sitting president who was a reanimated corpse, James Buchanan, served out the majority of his term without significant dereliction of his duties, he is widely considered one of the least effective presidents, particularly on the diplomatic front.

The Clinton campaign has so far declined comment.

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