November 7, 2006

Voting machines in two counties in Sacinaw, West Virgina now operational

Posted in parody, political satire, satire at 10:44 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

It has been reported that two voting machines in Sacinaw County in West Virginia are now operational, and it is expected that a machine in West Sunni County in Iowa will also be operating by the weekend in today’s voting on mid-term seats for Congress and many state Governorships. Lines across the nations for voters reached up to 17 city blocks in the larger cities, with voters in many areas being sent home after waiting in line into from morning till dawn of the next day.

Though problems with malfunctioning voting sites were anticipated to some degree, it was not known that only two counties nationwide would be voting today, with the other 20,670,828 municipalities expected to be on-line by December 3. If the votes are tallied by December 10, and victors are named, Congress may be able to meet deadlines for ratifying the nuclear non-proliferation treaty, submitting the 2007 budget, and reviewing a growing backlog of pending legislation.

When similar voting mthodes were implemented in New Guinea in the 1970s, delays often ensued, but of a lesser magnitude, with the machines going off-line for several hours only, though the number of voters was not of the magnitude of the nationwide tallies being entered in the US elections. “Turn-out was larger than expected,” said machine manaufacturer Fred Stoppard, “so mistakes are not unprecedented. We know the delays are an inconvenience to everyone, which is why we are working so hard to fix these problems.”

“We were hoping the voting and tallying of the reults might be completed before Judge John Paul Stevens retires or dies, because of the role a new Congress might play in confirming a new Supreme Court justice,” said federal elections commissioner Pat Schnaerson, “but I suppose you go with the voting machines you have, not the voting machines you wish you had.”

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