November 3, 2006

Rove predicts GOP will gain seats in both houses and a new mandate, touts machine that controls weather.

Posted in Karl Rove, news media, political satire at 6:22 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

Karl Rove is predicting that the GOP will not only stem losses that have precdicted in both houses of Congress, with a concomitant loss of the ability to run the table on national policy, he is now telling supporters.

Rove has demonstrated considerable calm as others have been predicting significant GOP losses in the elections next week, but his other demeanor reflects a deep inner conviction that his party will beat the odds again, and emerge victorious in a national election that they have tried to frame, again, as a national referendum on the President.

“We not only have a superior ‘Get out the Vote’ apparatus now,” he told conservative talk-show hosts on a conference call, where they were sworn to secrecy, “and superior fund-raising. I actually have a weather machine now, and I can control the weather in certain districts, and I think this will put us over the top, but in a decisive way.”

He also mentioned a sooth-sayer that some strategists have come to rely on increasingly, “sort of a ‘rain-forest Goddess,’ or some such thing. Anyway, she predicted the Kentucky Derby winner 4 years ago. I think you tell your listenders; we stopped spending in some of the bigger contests because we don’t have to. NuZelda says a lot of these are going to be ‘a slam dunk,’ if you’ll excuse my using that phrase.”

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