October 31, 2006

Corker complains that Ford is too good-looking, introduces gay-marriage issue

Posted in political satire at 7:13 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

As his support in the state erodes further, Republican Senate candidate Bob Corker complained to the press that it is to his unfair disadvantage that opponent Harold Ford is “too good-looking,” and said that by Ford “hogging the cover of Newsweek magazine,” he has been placed in a subordinate position with voters. “I could never hope to be that handsome. I have the pedigree voters want in every other way, but you’d be hard-pressed to find me impressing the ladies, or to voters attracted to sturdy, strapping, good-looking virile men, and I resent that.”

In an increasingly desparate campaign where little has been off-limits, Corker had to defend himself against charges that he was actually attracted to the Democratic Congressman in last week’s debate, and then re-iterate that he is opposed to gay marriage “between me and Mr. Ford, or any other two men.

“To me, (the gay marriage issue) is like imagining bestial relations,” he said as the debate descended further. “I have long been an admirer of lesbian couples, of course, though I am more comfortable addressing that in another setting.”

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