October 26, 2006

Iraq retains services of sports agent Arn Tellem

Posted in al Maliki, Iraq, political satire at 7:07 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

After new demands in the press regarding timelines and handover of security responsibilities in a fashion some are calling premature, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al Maliki has decided to retain the services of United States sports agent Arn Tellem to negotiate term more acceptable to his government. The firm owned by Arn Tellem represents Miami Heat center Shaquille O’Neal among others. “They do not wish to feel pressure, when their minds should mainly be on going out performing,” Tellem said at a press conference, standing beside Al Maliki and a translator, “and as the public statements place pressure, we feel it is not in anyone’s best interest…and we wonder if we are being shown the proper respect, and whether we may pull out of negotiations all together. And others have certainly shown in interest in working with us.” Though not naming any nations specifically, it is believed that nations as diverse as India, Iran, China, and Russia have shown recenrt interest in working with the emerging nation-state, particular in light of past potential demonstration and its unique oil-producing skills. “We believe there is tremendous upside-potential here,” an Iranian source confided, “and that’s why our scouts have had our eye on them from the start.”

Past statements by the state department have indicated a willingness to work with Iraq whatever its needs at any particular time, but future negotiations will be through Tellem’s firm specifically. Iraq recently ended its initial flirtations with the firm owned by suspected Jew Leigh Steinberg, who works with NFL quarterback Jake Plummer.

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