October 18, 2006

Final three homosexuals purged from the Republican Party

Posted in political satire at 10:51 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

 At the urging of religious conservatives, the final three homosexuals have been purged from the Republican Party.  “We feel sort of bad about Mary Cheney, to be frank with you,” said RNC chairman Ken Mehlman, “but what are you going to do?  We realized, in the wake of the Foley scandal, that our moral and intellectual purity was coming under attack, so we had to ask these last three individuals to leave.” 

Mehlman acknowledged that there has been a long-standing relationship between the party and the so-called “Log Cabin Republicans,” a  group of Republican queers who urge tolerance on many social issues.  “We don’t know what (former President Abraham) Lincoln was,” Mehlman said, “but if we find out he was closeted, his days in the Republican Party are over too.”

“This is by no means some kind of ‘witch hunt,'” said Representative Ston Duhitsy (R-NC), “because we don’t plan to kill or hang them.  That was voted down in committee, actually.  But we do plan to ask them to seek represenation elsewhere.”

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