October 18, 2006

Curt Weldon blames legal woes on Denny Hastert and cocker spaniel

Posted in political satire at 11:35 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

images1.jpg by Terri Firma

Locked in an increasingly combative reelection campaign with new accusations of imropriety and an FBI investigation of influence-peddling, Representative Curt Weldon (R-PA) lashed out at critics, and blamed Democrats, billionaire George Soros, organizations he referred to as “left wing advocacy groups,” the Committee for Resposibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW), a pet he used to own (a cocker spaniel named “Tim”), House minority leader Nancy Pelosi and House Speaker Dennis Hastert for the scrutiny that goes with the investigation into his finances and activities.  “I am appalled that the press takes these baseless charges seriously, in the face of all the forces conspiring against me to deny me reelection to my seat in Congress.”

Though earlier denying that an investigation was indeed underway, Weldon has now admitted that there is “a little bit of an investigation of me,” and he initially blamed CREW chairwoman Melanie Sloan, former Secretary of State Sandy Berger and former President Bill Clinton, though he had to back off of claims that Berger and Clinton were involved, “because I don’t have anything I can pretend is real proof,”  but he said “Hastert dropped a dime on me.  He had to.  He can’t handle his predicament, plus I think he’s a little bit of a Democrat-lover, in my opinion, even though I know I may be the only one who thinks this.”  And he is adamant that Pelosi, the left wing advocacy groups, and his dog are involved.  “That dog never meant me any good, and I have quite a few bumps and bruises to prove that, though I expect you’ll want Mike Wallace or Tim Russert or someone from one of your left wing goon squads to check on that one too, won’t you?” he told reporters outside his office at today’s hastily arranged briefing.

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