September 16, 2006

US Denies Constructing Moat and Drawbridge Around Iraq, but says Dragons may be Used

Posted in political satire at 5:34 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

In the battle against sectarian violence in the securing of Baghdad with the assistance of Iraqi security forces, US troops have been increasingly streched and were rumored to be in the process of constructing a moat, but military commanders are denying that such plans are underway, and told reporters “No moat, no drawbridge, but we’re not ruling out using dragons as sentries of some kind.” Lieutenant Colonel John Henberritop of the 14th Infantry Core of Enginners was pressed on the rumored moat at his press briefing and said the reports had been exaggerated, but confirmed that the conditions the troops are facing are unusually harsh, and a dragon, if it breathes fire, could potentially eliminate teams of insurgent and prevent their gaining ground against outnumbered, undertrained and underequipped security forces. “We need to adapt or thinking to ways that are radically different to fights we have had with enemies with modern warfare capabilities. These are older-style forces and battles, and we plan on going a little ‘medievel’ on them, if you will.”

He denied the present need to seek out wizards or conjurers in the fight to secure the city, but did not rule out adopting extraordinary or unusual plans in the future if the current measures fail.

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