August 20, 2006

State legislatures to take up feeding Christians to the lions

Posted in political satire at 3:51 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

With get out the vote efforts underway from both parties, Republicans are seeking to boost their fortunes by placing initiatives on ballots in battleground states that will draw out their base, particularly ones that would force decisions on whether to feed Christians to lions. Republicans are hoping that a move to ban this practice will draw out their base in an election year in which their prospects are dimming, and they have not been able to rally support from “values voters” on bedrock issues as flag-burning and protecting the sanctity of marriage.

“It’s a little silly, actually. No one on our state legislature thinks it is a good idea to feed Christians to lions, and most of us are Christian anyway,” said state senate speaker Howard Halloway in Tennessee, one of seven states where the measure is on the ballot. “What the hell reason is there to do something pre-emptively then?”

But religious conservatives point out how common the practice was in ancient times, and wish to prevent the practice from catching on in the future. “Who knows,” says Ralph Reed, one of the backers of the Tennessee measure. “Things come in and out of style, and religion is already under attack in this country. We know this is the type of issue our voters will need to get to rally them to the polls, or we may all find ourselves in a heck of a pickle in the future.”

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