August 1, 2006

Israelis to evacuate Middle East, secede Palm Beach Florida

Posted in political satire, satire at 4:14 am by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

As escalating attacks have failed to win over a skeptical public or the sympathies of ordinary Israelis, the state of Israel has chosen to uproot itself, and secede Palm Beach, Florida as its new home, at the urging of the United Nations.  “We hate to do this,” Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said.  “We put a lot of work into our former Middle East home.  But, the neighborhood has clearly become quite inhospitable, and this is beachfront property we will have in Palm Beach, so we have chosen to accept this decision.”

Some in the international community have long surmised that this is a more and natural and hospitable homeland for the remains of the Jewish diaspora then the ancient Jewish homeland in the Middle East.  “After all,” said Abba Eban, in 1972, “if that rat FDR hadn’t turned us away during that hell of the nazi holocaust, we might have come to Florida a long time ago anyway!”

Florida residents, and current Florida Governor Jeb Bush, have chosen to fight the UN resolution, and the international community is hoping that this does not effect the long-term security of the territory in any significant way.

Condominiums and trailer parks will be cleared to make room for Israeli kibbutzim.  The Florida National Guard will be disbanded in favor of a free-standing Israeli Army.  The national language will likely no longer be Hebrew, but it is unknown if Cuban or English will be dominant in the new Israeli territory.

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