August 1, 2006

Bush’s search for “root causes” of Middle East violence leads him to Colin Powell

Posted in political satire at 3:35 am by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

President Bush, after weeks of defending opposition to a Middle East stand-off between warring factions on the Israeli and Arab sides, in order to work for a sustaining peace, says he has discovered the root cause for the problems, and that it is former Secretary of State Colin Powell.  “I never expected it,” he said, “but now that I know that if we are to somehow tactically destroy the former Secretary, that we might someday have peace in the Middle East, I plan on putting the full power of the Presidency behind this mission.”

Mainstream conservative thinkers have long tried to persuade the President that it was former Secretary Powell’s willingness to acquiesce that has led to the current crises in the Middle East.  Many have blamed the former Secretary of State and his superior at the time, Vice President Dick Cheney, for failing to kill Saddam Hussein in the first Gulf War.  “Well,” Conservative Bill Kristol said today, “the chickens have come home to roost now.”

Former Secretary Powell issued a statement through Salman Rushdie’s former press agent that he is not currently available for comment.

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