July 28, 2006

Decision 2008, Candidate Profiles: John Kerry – “Last time, it’s not like I lost by a mile or anything”

Posted in Decision 2008, Kerry, political satire at 2:05 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

images1.jpg  Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, the 2004 Democratic Presidential nominee, is considering another run at the presidency, in light of a not overwhelmingly lackluster performance in the last Presidential contest.  He was up in the polls in that election, and running against a weakened President, and had considerable funds.  He has been criticized for failing to contest the outcome, which was very close, and may have been affected by tampering, and failing to refute charges that he is French (“I was French for a few years, before I wasn’t French,” he said at the time, in an unfortunate, but widely reported, parsing of the issue to voters in the second Presidential debate). 

Though many have focused on the machinations of political savant Karl Rove as a primary driver in Kerry’s defeat, others have focused on some high profile missteps, such as his problems articulating a vision, (“I was for the war once, against it twice, and misunderstood that they actually meant a real war, two other times”), a banal nominating convention event, a lackluster response to organized partisan critics of his Vietnam war service, and a bad photo-op with gun and hunting gear in the battleground state of Ohio (he admits now that blowing the duck call backwards was an unfortunate misstep).

There was also his club-footed reference to Mary Cheney (“Mary Cheney is certainly a lesbo, we all know it, but so what?  Oops.”) and her hostile rejoinder (“…he is a verminous, despicable asshole”).  Kerry says of his last run, “Last time, it’s not like I lost by a mile or anything.  I should have done many things differently. I shouldn’t have referred to Mary Cheney, an elegant and graceful daughter of the Vice President, as a lesbo.  She’s actually a filthy-mouthed, cross-dressing troglodyte.  I won’t make that same mistake twice.” It remains to be seen if voters will give him that second chance.

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