July 24, 2006

Rumsfeld: “Okay, I think I’ve got it. We like the Sunnis. We don’t like the Shi’ites.”

Posted in political satire, Rumsfled at 11:40 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Paula Berrer

At a Pentagon press briefing today, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said, “Okay, I think I’ve got it. We like the Sunnis, we don’t like the Shi’ites. Wait. Excuse me. We’re with the Shi’ites. But not the Shi’ite extremists. And we’re against the Sunnis.”

“You see,” he said, “the Shi’ites dominate our Iraqi parliament, are the majority ruling party, and are peaceful. That’s the main thing, you see. It’s these warring Shi’ite types out of government, Hezbollah, Hamas,…different Shi’ites.

“Now Hussein was Sunni. I found out that the Syrian government is Sunni. And the Iranians…oh fuck, they’re Shi’ite too.”

He said these issues work better when drawn out as a schematic, and promised to work with aides on a poster for tomorrow’s briefing.


1 Comment »

  1. […] According to public statement over the last week, it appears the Bush administration is entertaining changes in tactics, but that this is not a detriment to the overall strategy, as the tactics are different from the strategy, and I have often argued in this column that a change in tactics or strategy would be a welcome change for an administration often accused of truculence and inflexibility.  To the contrary, it has been important all along to adapt to “conditions on the ground,” according to tactitians like Secretary Rumsfeld and Secretary Rice (particular since it has become clear that the Sunnis and the Shiites are not, in fact the same factions).  Al Qaeda is a crafty enemy, as we have seen to this point.  Accordingly, we should be ready to shift tactics, occasionally, our approach, and when necessary, our strategy, if we ever hope to defeat them, precisely as bin Laden himself said in his video that he released before the last election. […]

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