July 5, 2006

Governor Scwarzenneger admits to groping himself

Posted in political satire, Schwarzenegger at 8:30 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Terry Firma

In a dramatic shift from past comments he has made about accusations of lewd behavior, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to erotic self-stimulation at a press conference today. The Governor stated “I hope this puts an end to these ugly rumors once and for all.”

Schwarzenegger denied that he is playing election year politics, and insisted he had true contrition. “I regret if anyone was hurt by my indecorous behavior,” he said. “I often used this…some have said I was “boorish”…it relieves pressure. It can be highly stressful to have this career in the entertainment industry.”

Asked about the Governor’s expression of remorse, California State Assembly speaker Fabio Nunez said, “I’ve lost track on this one. Were we winning on that story? Let me know later, okay?”

Later in the same press conference, reporters reminded the governor that the accusation was, in fact, of groping behavior upon females in the entertainment industry, to which he stated “Oh come on. Everyone does that.”

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