June 29, 2006

Reporting on tracking of Dr. Pepper sales declared treasonous by US Senate

Posted in political satire at 12:01 am by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Terri Firma

Major market newspapers have once again been lured into writing stories that can be labelled treasonous by the Bush administration, in this case, the tracking of Dr. Pepper beverage sales.  The New York Times published an article yesterday that decribed a government tracking program for terrorists who drink Dr. Pepper because of knowledge that emerged from interrogations at Guatanamo Bay that most terrorists who represent Al Qaeda prefer Dr.Pepper above other carbonated drinks.

New York Times spokesman Ali Tezner asserted that it has been common knowledge for some time that terrorists primarily choose to drink Dr. Pepper (a lower caffeine, carbonated beverage), and are unlikely to alter their buying patterns based on the Times’ reporting, but administration spokespeople are again arguing that the Times is providing aid and comfort to a dangerous enemy.

“I’d rather let the government know what pop I decide to drink than be dead!” Senate Intelligence chairman Pat Roberts (R-KS) asserted from the Senate floor, “and the New York Times has no right to make this decision for me!”

Charges against the Times come in the aftermath of two previous stories that led to fines because they presumably hampered National Security efforts.

“Damn it, I had a wierd feeling this was another set-up,” Times editor Bill Keller said in an on-line discussion of the matter yesterday.

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