June 21, 2006

Mobile Mayo Clinic to travel with Vice President Cheney on upcoming trip

Posted in parody, political satire, US News at 7:34 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Terri Firma

Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to bring an entourage including emergency room physicians, emergency medical technicians, transplant surgeons, a cardiothoracic surgeon, and an intensive care unit on the road for a fundraising tour in the midwest.  This is in the wake of inadequate resources on hand at an appearance in Washington DC, when the Vice President hiccoughed during cocktails before an award presentation, and his mobile medical unit was rushed to the scene, but without adequate means to transport the Vice President for necessary follow-up testing after the fact.  This newer, highly unusual, arrangement will allow for testing and interventions by highly skilled staff from the world's premier medical institution, on site, wherever the Vice President goes.

Mayo Clinic is an internationally renowned research and treatment facility, housed in Minneapolis, that previously was completely hospital based.  The new program is designed to bring a full 25% of Mayo staff doctors, nursing and staff on the road with Mr. Cheney in the event of an unforeseen emergency, and includes capacity for a full organ transplantation.  Ripe organs, such as livers, kidneys, lungs and hearts will be brought on site by the transplant registry if he is to experience irreversible organ damage at any point. 

Mr. Cheney has previously relied on an implanted automated defibrillator for restoring normal heart and rhythm if he is to develop a sudden heart attack or arrythmia.  The new program is supported under  a carve-out for federal grant money allocated to emergency community medical needs.

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