June 10, 2006

Mankind’s ability to grow wings and rise to the heavens, to be added to science texts, government says

Posted in parody, political satire, science and technology, social issues at 11:14 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Terri Firma

The federally-supported American Science Foundation has chosen to break with tradition, and reccommend that school children have information about Christian’s being saved and carried to the heaven’s upon the start of the rapture, into conventional science books. It would like school children to be taught that this is the one instance where humans may levitate, and perhaps even fly, in contradiction to previous scientific teachings on the subject.

This is not the first time administration experts have been accused of inserting religion and politics into scientific policy. The FDA has recently tried to suppress evidence that the “morning after” pill is safe for distribution to minors, and that the HPV vaccine, which prevents cervical cancer, may be widely distributed without effecting sexual promiscuity rates.

It has been long speculated that the American Science Foundation, with its recently appointed chairman Tari Ritenour, have been skewing the science-based initiatives toward religious principles. “Whether you believe in the rapture or not, and many in the science-based community still feel the idea of sprouting wings is preposterous, still you must know that people will be able to ascend to heaven and fly, and I think that is quite obvious to anyone on our committee,” Ritenour told reporters.

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