June 10, 2006

Democrats say “okay, we hate America.”

Posted in political satire, politics, satire, US News at 11:31 pm by thewashingtonbeltsider

by Tom Toburn

Today on capitol hill, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mas) and Senator Harry Reid (D-Nev) hastily called a news conference to announce that they will side with the terrorists from this point on, because they are having such a problem getting a foothold in American discourse. “It’s been quite frustrating, we’re finding,” Reid said to the assembled press. “We’ve come out with so many initiatives that have allowed us so little traction. At this point, we figure we’ll just side with the terrorists until we can think of anything else.”

Asked whether this strategy could alienate voters, Kennedy said “You mean the so-called “red state voters’? Fuck ‘em. Nah, we don’t care much about that. But hell, there’s all kinds of attention whenever a Bin Laden video airs, or something of that sort. Maybe we get a video or two up, say ‘okay, we hate America,’ but then something about universal health care or the minimum wage…maybe we build some momentum that way.”

Senators Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Joe Biden (D-DE) and John Kerry (D-MA), prospective Democratic Presidential nomination candidates, are being accused of being opportunistic and jumping on the bandwagon in their adoption of the new “pro-terrorist” pose. “Their candidacies were adrift till now,” DNC chairman Howard Dean said. “They can’t claim this is a personal conviction. Their polling is just showing that the voters prefer someone willing to take a stand. But I don’t believe them on this, I tell you. Where were they when the terrorists really needed their support?”

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