06.04.07
AG Gonzales asserts that US Attorneys fired for using too much profanity
by Terri Firma
As the probe into the firing of US Attorney scandal deepens, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez told an audience of Republican lawmakers today that firings were the result of performance-related issues, as well as “bad manners.” Most notably, Carol Lam was mentioned for making disparaging use of a method of female hygiene, when she referred to opposing counsel as “a douchebag.”
“Use of profanity by officials in the highest levels of government was a disturbing thing to most of the parties involved,” Gonzales told the Republican press club audience, “and I wish that they had understood the extent of their infractions before it came to this. I sincerely do.”
This follows past protestations by the Attorney General rthat the firings were justified because the former attorneys were often tardy, had failed to contribute equitably to office coffee kitties, and wore overly relaxed apparel on “casual Fridays” at the workplace.
06.02.07
Republican presidential candidates plan “White guy-palooza” tour
by Terri Firma
Republican Party Presidential hopefuls have launched a multi-city tour this month to bring their message of peace through strength, and immigration with tighter borders, to the American heartland, under the celebratory banner, “White guy-palooza.” The current crop of candidates, including front-runners Mitt Romney, John McCain and Rudy Guiliani, will be featured, along with a light show and several members of the US Supreme Court.
“We’re expecting this will be a tremendous opportunity to visit the fans in our base, and get the message out,” exulted Chief Justice John Roberts, in a conference call with reporters today. He will be joined by party stalwart and administration Undersecretary for Border and Transportation Security Asa Hutchinson, as part of the tour’s opening act.
The name of the tour is reminiscent of the “Lollapalooza” progressive rock tour in the 1980s, and was suggested by promoter and former Republican party chairman Charlie Black. Other names entertained for the tour but subsequently rejected included “the Ten Man March” (a play on words based on the “Million Man March” on Washington in 2002), and
“Promissory note-keepers” (a similar play on words based on the “Promise Keepers” subsequent march and demonstration).
The tour will continue through July 4th, at whiich point, the group is expected to be joined by former actor Fred Thompson, and guitarist Gary Richrath of REO Speedwagon.
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