by Tom Toburn

In what may be characterized as a fit of pique, former war veteran John Kerry announced today that he will not be seeking the nomination for the presidency in 2008, and said “I never wanted that stupid old Presidency anyway.” His aides have been hinting for weeks that the Massachussets Senator and the 2004 nominee would be sitting out the race, “now that that really popular Obama guy got in,” but still felt comfortable that he could garner more support than presumptive contenders Joe Biden and Al Gore.

Former Senator John Edwards is also expected in the race, but aids say he is trying to ignore his former running mate, “unless he says he’s sorry,” and did not consider Senator Hillary Clinton a serious opponent “because she’s just a girl.”