06.26.06
Specter, Hagel led faction to split from GOP
by Terri Firma
Senators Arlen Specter (R-PA) and Chuck Hagel (R-NB) have decided to form the “Yes we’re still Republicans, but at least we admit our party is a bunch of wienies” faction of the Republican Party, the two announced on FOX News Sunday over the weekend. “Yes it’s a long, not very catchy name,” said Hagel. “The point is: we’re not like (former Republican Vermont Senator) Jeffords. We’re not leaving the party. We want to start change from within. At least that’s how we’re rationalizing it.”
“Yes, we ignore the constitution, spy on people,” Specter said, “and Chuck legitimately raises the point of misconducting this mission in Iraq. But we’re a big tent. Thwarting the raising of taxes is a basic core value. There are certain principles you must never, ever compromise.”
06.25.06
“Statesmanlike” Iraqi PM proposal allows bombing of American cities – developing
by Tom Toburn
Senate leaders are praising Prime Minister Nuri Al Maliki’s proposed reconciliation plan with insurgents and militants, under which American civilians may be targeted for terrorist attacks starting in 2007. “They’re finally bringing everyone to the table to negotiate,” Senate Whip Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told reporters. “Under Prime Minister Maliki’s leadership, they’re turning a corner, ironing out their differences, establishing a Democracy.
Under the new agreement, the new Iraqi government would offer reconciliation to militants, insurgents or terrorists who have not plotted or performed civilian attacks on minor American cities after 5 years, and to militants, insurgents or terrorists who have not plotted or performed civilian attacks on major American cities after 10 years.
McConnell stated further “Secretary Rumsfeld has confided to me: it seems like they’re finally moving, and it seems like we’re finally going to accomplish what we set out to do in Iraq.”
“Curveball” could not be trusted, but jury still out on “Dipshit”
by Tom Toburn
ABC News this week is reporting that, though intelligence failures were blamed for unreliable pre-war planning in the Iraq invasion, it has now become commonplace to look at intelligence sources with information on Irans nucear weopon ambitions with a less jaded eye, particularly regarding a source code-named Dipshit, now claiming that Iran has capability to build a nuclear arsenal as tall as the highest treelike an elm tree almost.
His reports have, thus far, been the purview only of the intelligence elite. His information has been notoriously relayed through channels in Jordan and Aman to the NSA and the CIA. The source, when interviewed by ABC News in a safe house in Vienna, denies that he will have reliability problems, or problems with alcohol and drug abuse and mental instability like his predecessor with the Iraq invasion. "Nope, not me, no sir," the source said. "Be a good fella and pass me a drink, would ya?"
His cover had been previously impennetrable; he is legend in intel circles. He was one of many reliable US sources during the Cold War, always present to discuss the strength of the East German forces supporting the Berlin Wall.
06.24.06
Bush asks Democrats if they want to marry Al Qaeda terrorists on weekly radio address
by Terri Firma
In his weekly radio address, President Bush defended the latest in a series of newspaper exposes of government illegal surveillance of ordinary citizens by creating his patented “straw man” argument, to raise the spectre of unchecked terrorist efforts. “Some say terrorism is a good thing. I say it is not. Some say we should let Al Qaeda use our phones, our banks, our computers to do their nefarious deeds, so then they will win. I say they should not.”
“I say to Democrats ‘If you love the terrorists so much, why don’t you go ahead and marry them?’”
At the White House press briefing following the address, Tony Snow lauded the speech, but when he was asked which Democrat specifically the President believed wanted to marry an Al Qaeda terrorist, he responded “The President was speaking figuratively of course. That or maybe he thought John Conyers (D-MI) wanted to marry a terrorist. I don’t know. But I could get back to you on that.”
Bush announces plan to withdraw one troop by the end of 2006
by Tom Toburn
At a Rose Garden ceremony in front of reporters, President Bush announced today the drawdown of one troop from Iraq in the period between now and the end of 2006. This vital development, the re-deployment of the soldier, Private James Groener, from Youngstown Ohio, comes in the aftermath of Bush’s successful trip to Iraq, and US forces’ recent successful defeat of terrorist mastermind Abu Musad Zarqawi.
The President said “This troop has been working awfully hard, advancing the cause of freedom in the Middle East. It is time for him to come home, eventually.”
“As we have said before, as the Iraqis stand up, we will be able to step down…or stand down, whatever.”
06.23.06
Miami terror cell captured using zinc oxide tracking device
by Tom Toburn
At least two of the terrorists captured as part of the plot to attack cities in the United States, were outfitted with recording and GPS systems embedded in the zinc oxide applied to their noses, reporters have learned. The two, code named Brother Leland and Brother Fred, were first under FBI surveillance after they were judged suspicious when seen shuffling along with concealed automatic weapons while simultaneously searching the sand with metal detectors in Bermuda shorts on Pismo Beach. The FBI credits similar techniques with the capture and surveillance of terrorist cells who had threatened the United States from aboard the Paradise Cruise line in Guadalajara and from the grounds of Club Med Montenegro.
Miami terror cell members had been advised by Al Qaeda “Get an agent.”
by Terri Firma
The members of the US born terrorist cell in Miami Beach, captured in a sting today, had made overtures to Al Qaeda, but were advised to get an agent, and to not pitch their ideas directly to Al Qaeda leadership. The intercepted communication, in the fashion of a form letter, read, in part, “We do not read unsolicited pitches,” and “terror plot ideas should be work-shopped through other channels first,” with several Arabic-speaking agent references included in the post.
06.22.06
Author of “cut and run” phrase to sue Congress over copyright infrigement
by Terri Firma
Louis Styles, the proprietor of a burger stop called “The Cut and Run,” in Temecula South Mississippi, is suing the government for copyright infringement for using the phrase repeatedly in high profile pronouncements, without attribution. “We named it after a saying we’ve used in the family, for ‘leaving something after you started’,” Styles said. “If my cut is 88 cents every time, as my attorney estimates, by my count I would be coming into a couple million dollars.”
He plans to file suit in federal court on Monday.
Santorum claims he has proof that Bin Laden was killed in Tora Bora years ago
by Tom Toburn
Senator Rick Santorum, citing evidence from a newly declassified report that he alone has seen, says that Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden has been dead for several years, and challenged reporters and Democratic lawmakers to produce evidence to the contrary. “Come on, traitors. I dare you. I double dare you.”
He says that bin Laden impersonators are the ones who have been appearing on presumed al Qaeda videos released over the last three years. “It’s someone who is a highly skilled costume and voice mimic. I promise you.”
As evidence for his contention, he described voice and costume mimics who have fooled viewers of burlesque shows “who would swear they were watching Marilyn Monroe, for example.”
Skeptics are accusing Santorum of demagoguery, and playing election year politics, to which he replied “No. Not true. Try again.” He further asserted “The Democrats are buffoons. That’s why we will defeat them again in 2006.”
06.21.06
Mobile Mayo Clinic to travel with Vice President Cheney on upcoming trip
by Terri Firma
Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to bring an entourage including emergency room physicians, emergency medical technicians, transplant surgeons, a cardiothoracic surgeon, and an intensive care unit on the road for a fundraising tour in the midwest. This is in the wake of inadequate resources on hand at an appearance in Washington DC, when the Vice President hiccoughed during cocktails before an award presentation, and his mobile medical unit was rushed to the scene, but without adequate means to transport the Vice President for necessary follow-up testing after the fact. This newer, highly unusual, arrangement will allow for testing and interventions by highly skilled staff from the world's premier medical institution, on site, wherever the Vice President goes.
Mayo Clinic is an internationally renowned research and treatment facility, housed in Minneapolis, that previously was completely hospital based. The new program is designed to bring a full 25% of Mayo staff doctors, nursing and staff on the road with Mr. Cheney in the event of an unforeseen emergency, and includes capacity for a full organ transplantation. Ripe organs, such as livers, kidneys, lungs and hearts will be brought on site by the transplant registry if he is to experience irreversible organ damage at any point.
Mr. Cheney has previously relied on an implanted automated defibrillator for restoring normal heart and rhythm if he is to develop a sudden heart attack or arrythmia. The new program is supported under a carve-out for federal grant money allocated to emergency community medical needs.
