by Tom Toburn
President Bush has decided to disband the Supreme Court because it is hampering efforts to fight the war on terror, it was announced today. Instead, the United States will rely on “12 of my friends” to make high court decisions. He is citing power granted to him under the war crimes act, constitutional executive authority, and “’cause I’m the decider” as precedent, said Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. He complained that the Supreme Court is “ill-suited, all that legal jargon” as an oversight branch in the context of the larger war on terror.

“I dunno, what do you think?” Senator Judiciary co-chair Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said at a joint press conference after the decision was announced. “Probably that war crimes act wasn’t such a good idea.” “Probably not,” said Committee chairman Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) in response.