by Tom Toburn
The Senate has scheduled a vote on a proposed constitutional amendment that will outlaw 4th of July plates, napkins, and paper cups that feature secular or neutral colors and images rather than traditional red, white and blue. Senate leader Bill Frist thundered from the chamber floor “‘Hello Kitty, ‘ ‘The Flintstones,’ and especially ‘The Munsters,’ have no place in celebration of our nation’s most sacred day!”

The Senate is expected to vote down a provision to include 4th of July paper tablecloths, and Senator Hillary Clinton has threatened to make the the tablecloth ammendment an election year issue. “The exclusion of paper tablecloths in this would be particularly egregious, I say as the Senator from New York, the state hit by the 9/11 attacks.”

The vote is expected this week.